2008 in a nutShell...

bgm:
Bliss n Eso - Then Till Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8PT83toozI

Wow...what can I say. As I look back and reflect on what I experienced throughout the year, I can honestly say that no year in the past has been quite as diverse in emotion and adventure. I cannot honestly believe how much i've been through and how much i've learnt from everything i've been through.

Just to highlight the few important ones (in no order whatsoever):

- dragon boat racing
- shave for a cure
- losing my great grandmother (at the young age of 105)
- losing the garage (and a whole bunch of mates in the process)
- the Zed :-o
- the other cars breaking down on me two weeks in a row! :(
- everyone who trained with me...thanks to every single one of you for putting up with me and encouraging me
- n2s and the great people involved, in which ever way they were involved both directly and indirectly
- friday night uni
- nutHour video (part 1 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ8Dj2XLt78 ... please watch comment and subscribe!!!)

There's way too many to mention, but each held a part to play in to making me the person that I am today. I am different in many ways to who I was when I started this year off ... and better or worse, I hope that you've enjoyed my company.

What does 2009 hold? I don't know...but looking over my last few blogs, it's safe to say that life will remain interesting. I've never been one to speculate, so i'll continue to go with the flow and just tackle everything as I progress!

If I may quote a line from the song abovementioned (great song...listen to it!) that I feel is very relevant to where i'm at is:

"from thinking to be king, you gotta have wealth,
to the inner revolution I call knowledge of self"

What this means to me?

I guess, I'm just more aware of my own self identity...i'm still not 100% sure of what or who I am and where I fit in this whole community we know as planet earth, but I feel i've got a better idea than I did at the beginning of 08. I'm making more of an effort to be true to myself, understand and love myself and not to let haters get me down...I used to really care about what people thought of me, and to an extent I still do (we're all human), but I understand that being myself not only takes courage and is rewarding, but allows you to be a better son, daughter, friend, lover...not compromising who you really are, allows you to shine and to be the best person you can be.

I hope everyone had a joyous x'mas (or relevant religious holiday event) and I wish everyone a safe new years and a fulfilling 2009!

To quote another friend of mine...bring it on!

Eat lots, drink lots and love lots!

-muffinman

just a quick update before the year is out...

hi all...

my apologies i haven't blogged in a while. been busy with work (got promoted...yay me!) and thats been taking up to 12+ hours for the last few weeks. i did some caroling for our firm as well (i'll post some pics up) and i had my work x'mas party last week which took it out of me (slept in the office i was that bad!!!)

anyway...just wanted to let you all know (not that any of you care really...i mean...i hardly do lol) but it's x'mas again! hahaha you know what that means...lots of eating, lots of drinking, lots of good times ahead! i'll do a proper x'mas blog and vlog (oh yes son...i do a vlog now! will link!)

also...i've just run from my local train station (rockdale) to my place in 11 minutes. i've now set a benchmark. watch this space...i intend on improving!

anyway...i'm off...take it easy yo!

much luv...

-muffinman

Well...

*twiddling thumbs*


















I wish I could find the right words to say, I wish I could show you exactly how I felt...I wish that time would stand still to let us enjoy the moment...

If it means anything...I miss you...





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
















sunset

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

YEAH SUCK ON THAT ONE BITCHES!!! hahahaha

sorry I haven't updated much lately...i've just been goin crazy with this shit and other things.

In other news, I have been jamming a whole lot lately and got some really cool jams down...here is something I prepared earlier (and by I, I mean Dee and C!)



click on it and comment, subscribe as my boy chris will continue putting up our jam videos! (you can also catch his blog in the sidebar!)

aight...thats it for now...gonna get back into my training again tomorrow, and gotta work on my otherside project: nuthour! will update you guys on that soon! :D

take care now, bye bye then! :D

-muffinman














ps: sunset...

Into the double figures....YEAH BITCHES!!!

Under 100kg!!! For the first time in over 5 years!!!

HA HA!!!

Seriously...it's been a hard slog, and contrary to popular belief, I hate training and dieting, but the changes are great, I feel better and I can deal with the shit times better. To overuse an old cliche, i've never felt better!

This is a stand...I can never go back to the way I used to be! Thanks to everyone whos encouraged me and stuck by me through these hard times. As of late, the hard times have been more frequent, and I haven't been able to come through for so many people and I'm sorry, but I appreciate everyone's patience with me.

In regards to the shitfight i've been having, I'm coming around to figuring out where i'm going with it. I've got a solution at least and will hopefully be making a move on it. I'm sorry to everyone who this affected (unintentionally) and will hopefully make it up to everyone!

It feels SO good to type something positive after so much negative.

Also just posting out a shoutout to Dee ... congrats girl on your new gig! If you wanna catch this girl she'll be burnin up the floor for lollipop every second Saturday!

Thats about it for now...just thought i'd better post something up while I had it in my head at work. Take care everyone and god bless!

Much love!

-muffinman

seriously...

fuck this shit...unbelievable...how many times do i have to be tested? what did i do wrong?













fuck i really wish i knew what to do next...i really wish i had someone to be there for me...













:(

Being continually tested and true friends...

What a last couple of days...













I wont bore you...but you guys should know that shit went down in the last few days. Chicks, money, work, cars...it all happened! I honestly couldnt believe it, it was just one shit thing after another...

However something was different this time ... Normally if anything didn't go my way, i'd behave like a little bitch (in that it would be obvious that I'd be pissed off), but I didn't ... not when I made the discovery about the girl, not when work pushed me into a corner, not when my car decided to break down in the middle of traffic ...

I am changing ... I am learning to just deal with whatever is thrown my way. I understand my msn name (my old one anyway about how the difference between normal and great people is that great people know how to build a good structure from the bricks others throw at them).

I was able to think calm, act clearly, and shit even share a laugh with some good friends (there's nothing funnier than walking home with friends after your car has broken down hahaha).

I wanna thank my boys that helped me out last night...it was a pretty tough night for me, but I couldn't imagine anyone else i'd rather have by my side...my soldiers! hahaha

Thanks go out to (in no particular order), Sherwin, Chris, Ralph, Tim and Louis! I will never be able to repay you for what you guys did for me...I can only hope I offer as much back to you in my life!

PS: Movember is coming up and I will be participating this year (yes I know i'm asian and I don't have much facial hair lol)...its for a good cause, so stay tuned to this space for updates!

PSS: I've started a video blog. I will post this up soon, it's called the nutHour...stay tuned to this space!

Love ya'll...peace out!

My fight with spite... SELF CENSORED...

I wrote something here ... and i've decided to take it down ...

Why? It just felt like quite a leap into my deep personal fight with myself...my struggle...basically if i was my own enemy, I outlined ways you could push my buttons.

I have saved the draft and I'll prob post it up later...but I really want to read it and re-word it...I say something about there being no filter between my brain and my brain...this also exist (or doesn't exist) between my brain and my fingers.

I just dont feel ready to share that side of me...not just yet...it's scary and I hate dealing with it on a daily basis, but I do...and i'm not prepared just yet to describe my motivation.

I hope you understand and I hope you don't get discouraged from reading my blog. I believe I have always been honest with you guys ... and tonight I feel I was at my most honest.

Stay tuned guys...I will repost...

Thanks for understanding.

You win some...you lose some...

Disclaimer: feel free to draw your own conclusions...I quite frankly don't care...

BGM: Moloko - Time is now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylvBSOS7Avs

Ok...so today I faced my fears and decided to look into something I hadn't paid attention to in a while...

and realised that I lost something. Not that this particular something was mine or anything ... but something I had fair interest (to say the least) in, was no longer available.

Now I don't know how to feel...should I feel happy that someone else is enjoying what I lost (pffft) or should I be upset that I didn't try harder to get what I wanted?

Looking back...the 'signs' were all there...many opportunities were had...but anyone that knows me knows that I'm oblivious to these things...innocent if you will. Yes I know what you're thinking...useless!

My mate (who doesn't know i've made this discovery yet) said a while ago that with anything you truly want...you gotta be prepared to lose it. I don't think I prepared myself to lose this, but I didn't think I thought i'd be as calm as this when I did!

I don't know...did I lose out cos I lost sight of what I wanted? Did the value of the object of desire change? Lessen even? Did I change? Did it change? Did someone else prove they wanted it more?

Irrelevant questions I know. You can't wish for a better yesterday. I think i'm fine...it's not like i've never gotten what i've wanted before. But I am getting tired of it.

Moral of the story: fuck waiting for the right time. The right time is now. I know it's cliche but sieze the fucking day...carpe diem that shit!

As for me...I need to really man the fuck up. Can't afford to let this get me down...I got history to make!

End Chapter...

PS: I hope you're happy...I really do. You're a great person and deserve the best. I hope you get treated like the queen you are!

PSS: RIP to Lola B. I pray that you're safe in heaven with the rest of the family.

PSSS: For those of you out there that drew your conclusions, I know this post goes completely against what I wrote in my previous post. But i'm man enough to know I lost out cos I didn't stand up to be heard...I didn't sieze the day. Let this be a lesson. What you want wont always be around...so if you have it in your hands and you want it bad enough you'd die for it, grab it with both hands and never let go...NEVER!!!

You...

You can't help what happens in life...but the manner in which you react to certain situations defines you as a person.

I try not to let what other people do affect me. They're are them and I am me. I like to think that if I affect anyone, it's in a positive manner...and that if it is negative, it's seldom (but justified...after all...I've always had a temper, which only recently i've been learning to control).

Sometimes, you can't help but let what someone does affect you. You don't mean it to, and you fight yourself so much to not let it happen...but it does! Wow i was so furious today!

But I trained today too...I trained hard! I trained with intencity! Most importantly...I trained with passion.

I've realised what drives me...and it's common to what drives most people. It's success! Instant gratification. The feeling of accomplishment!

Frequently, your efforts are acknowledged by your peers that you've done a great job, and it's a top feeling. But at the end of the day, all you have is you! Yourself! You go to bed with whatevers on your mind!

How many times have you gone to bed, lying to yourself? You know...when you say "i'll do this tomorrow, i'll change this, i'll action that" and it never gets done!

Why the fuck did you wait till bed time to think that? Why didn't you get it done in the first place?

Because you're afraid.

For what ever reason you may be afraid for, whether it be afraid of success, getting it wrong, being hurt...WHATEVER? The only thing that really stops you from getting what you want, is yourself.

I'm not going to be the person here saying "yeah you'll get it one day". Bullshit. You'll get it if you want it bad enough. You'll know if you want it bad enough because you will tirelessly work hard for it. You will devote effort for it. You will adapt to the environment so that your best setup to acheive it. Most importantly...you will sacrafice for it.

I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started writing...and to be honest I still don't. I'm still trying to figure out a title for it!

I did however wanted to point out that (I just figured out the title!) that the common factor in all of this...is YOU! YOU will get what you want, if YOU want it bad enough. Only YOU will know how bad YOU want it!

*insert superman joke here*

You all know what you want...you all know how to attain it. If you be real and honest with yourself, then you can figure out how to acheive what YOU want!

If you think i'm wrong...please tell me. But please...i know your rebuttles:

• "I haven't got much money..."
• "My parents..."
• "I don't have much time..."
• "My dog ate it..."

You wanna know what I hear when you say this?

"I'm afraid..."

Don't be afraid...carpe diem...sieze the fucking day! I don't want to throw too many cliche lines in here but stop listening to the rest of the world...and listen to what your heart says. Fuck some of you might be wrong (and those that hear genocide...please speak to me first) but don't complain about something if you're not going to do something about it!

Meh i've had enough...I still love all of you (some more than others...some...well i'll kick your ass one day!)...and I only say what I say in the way that I say it because I hate seeing people selling themselves short. I hate seeing people being afraid of what they believe in. Stand up and be heard! Don't spend your time feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Devote your energy to remaining positive, even in the darkest of times. You will survive and conquer...but only if you want too!

Take care and love to all!

PS: Yes i've given the game away in this article. I have devoted any spare time to fitness training and i've been making some good progress! I wont post up pics cos i'm still a little self concious...but my first goal is that by summer I'll be confident to run with my shirt off! hahaha

To those few that already knew...thanks for your understanding and support. To those that didn't...my apologies for being so distant over the last few months. I've just been really doing this for me and figured those that are my true friends will be there for me regardless...

Take care guys...

-Mark

Found my limit today... =D

and i'm still standing hehehe

Just wanted to say i'm going well and going hard. Had a bit of an iffy week just trying to get through all the crap going on (it just doesn't change and it just doesn't get any easier) but I feel like i'm able to deal with it a little better than I was say 3 months ago.

I'm making some positive progress too...without giving the game away too much (but pretty much giving it away hehehe) ... actually no hehehe :P

I'll be taking pictures soon to show some of my progress...guaranteed to have them up before the end of the month!

In the mean time ... may I wish everyone good times and strength in adversity. Stay strong and endure!

Lemonade...that cool refreshing drink...

bgm

Passion: Lemonade - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HW1WUcFR0
(has nothing to do with my post...but its a nice song!)

They say when the world gives you lemons...make lemonade. To make good out of anything bad sent your way. This is all about training your perspective to adapt to any situation and learn how you can benefit from it.

I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I wasn't good at this. Hell that's the whole reason I started this blog. However, I didn't know what direction I wanted to go in and change...to be honest I didn't even know how to start!

Well I finally got that start...unfortunately it came about through the suffering of another mate, but with his help and the encouragement of others, I've made firm decisions about myself and where I'm heading and I truly feel I'm heading in the right direction.

I don't want to share what I'm doing just yet...some of you know, some of you don't realise what I'm doing...but you will be surprised. As with all things, this will take time, dedication and lots of hard work from me.

For this, I apologise to everyone for the ambiguity of my actions and for seeming so distant from all of you for the time being, but this is the move I've been needing to make!

I guess as this is a blog and you're probably looking for a bit of insight (least I'd like to think you were...that's if anyone actually reads this hehehe) so I wont disappoint.

First of all...understand your values and beliefs...and never live up to anyone else's. This way you cannot be let down by others...stay true to your values and really believe in them...don't let anyone waiver you from the path!

Secondly, give yourself something to get you out of bed every morning. To excite you. I know everyone says to write goals...but I'm telling you to write something above and beyond what you think your limits are. Imagine your a kid sitting on Santa's lap (no not like that you dirty b@stards) and imagine that no wish is to big! Write it on a piece of paper write it in big writing! Put it in a place where you will look at it everyday and read it to yourself at least twice a day...really feel it and really believe that you will achieve it. Soon you will have it in your mind and you will not be able to stop thinking about it. You will find your mind subconsciously controlling your body to do things in order to achieve this goal!

I have done these two things, amongst other things, but I refuse to bore you any longer hehehe.

I will also add a little comment on my perspective from the end of each post. I feel that things are taking a good turn, but am I working ever hard for it. I can feel the changes coming and I really hope I can stick to it!

Oh...and for anyone that cares...I haven't been suspended from uni this semester and am now back! hahaha I guarantee I wont fail this class a third time LOL!

Alright i'm out ... take care guys!



-muffinman

Fight or Flight...

Butterflies in your stomach, giddyness, it's all the same...it's that feeling you get when you know somethings on the line.

I don't get to experience this feeling too much, due to the mundane job I usually carry out on a daily basis, however on the off occasion I do manage to get myself into these situations.

Funnily enough I just did...right then...like seriously 30 minutes ago!

It was one of those...sounded like a good idea at the time.

I wonder how i'm going to go with this...been a while since I been down this road...

Will let you know...wish me luck!

RIP Lola A...God said well done...

bgm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eczNekGhDxM

24th June 2008

As I remember her...

My earliest memories of Lola as a kid was being dropped off with the other cousins to be baby sat during the holidays. Lola A and Tita Katu would cook breakfast for us and we would watch TV in their tiny little room...looking back we wonder how it used to house all of us so comfortably...

I remember Lola always giving us lollies and maccas burgers back when they used to be served in styrofoam packaging and for some reason carnation milk would always be served to us with Milo...

I remember Lola always smiling...from back then till now, even when she didn't recognise us. She was always happy to see us, to be around us, to take care of us. A lady whos faith for God and love for her family never waivered and was so contagious.

She survived almost all of her kids, two world wars and countless other riff raffs.

I hope those that knew her don't mourn in pain...if anything, we should learn from her that we should just smile, be happy that God blessed us with her presence and that she was able to be with us for 105 years! Smiling is the key to a long and happy life and I believe she was a great advocate of that.

Rest In Peace Lola...we will love and remember you always!

stop the angry juice...

yeah i thought i was fine...



yeah i thought I was in control of myself...



but the more in control i thought i was, the more I wasn't...



how stupid for me to end up in this situation...



ahh my body can't handle this abuse anymore...



saw some cool things today though...



and learnt some neato stuff...



but i through it all away...



damn i hate being drunk...

It rains heavy ... but at least our farmers will be happy!

For the last month, i've been living my life a week at a time ...



Correction ... i've been wishing my life away a week at a time ...



Why?



Because it all seemed too hard? Because I felt out of control?



Possibly...



Don't worry...i'm not here to whinge about whats happened and whos fault it was.



This is more a declaration...a change of times, or even more fitting, a change of perspective. I don't know why i'm writting this down or why I am telling anyone this. The only person who will truly understand the fruits born from efforts made is myself.



I guess this is more of a public diary. Hopefully a testimony/sign of hope for those that have been through the hard times, whatever they have been ... that things can get better if you permit it too. That in reality, things aren't always as bad as they seem ...



My path to happiness may or may not be the right one. It may work for me and may not work for others and vice versa, but I assure you that happiness and success is a state of mind which can be adjusted and manipulated to suit your reality.



Don't worry. I'm not on any mind altering drugs or have joined a cult. I'm just on a mission to ensure I take care of business and get back on my feet.



I'm going to put together some thought provoking sayings that you can all hopefully use to adjust your perspective so that you too may find the right path to happiness and success...




1a) Take care of number one ... 1b) You are number one
2) With every negative, there exists a positive ... Ying and Yang
3) Look after the family ... the life cycle always wins
4) Make the effort to catch up with friends
5) I don't know is not an answer ...



Thats all for now. I don't know how long this will last but I'm down for a change. Change for what? I don't know, but it's time to pull my head out of my ass and starting going for it!



Alright ... i'm outtie guys! Take care of yourselves!



-muffinman