Disclaimer: feel free to draw your own conclusions...I quite frankly don't care...
BGM: Moloko - Time is now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylvBSOS7Avs
Ok...so today I faced my fears and decided to look into something I hadn't paid attention to in a while...
and realised that I lost something. Not that this particular something was mine or anything ... but something I had fair interest (to say the least) in, was no longer available.
Now I don't know how to feel...should I feel happy that someone else is enjoying what I lost (pffft) or should I be upset that I didn't try harder to get what I wanted?
Looking back...the 'signs' were all there...many opportunities were had...but anyone that knows me knows that I'm oblivious to these things...innocent if you will. Yes I know what you're thinking...useless!
My mate (who doesn't know i've made this discovery yet) said a while ago that with anything you truly want...you gotta be prepared to lose it. I don't think I prepared myself to lose this, but I didn't think I thought i'd be as calm as this when I did!
I don't know...did I lose out cos I lost sight of what I wanted? Did the value of the object of desire change? Lessen even? Did I change? Did it change? Did someone else prove they wanted it more?
Irrelevant questions I know. You can't wish for a better yesterday. I think i'm fine...it's not like i've never gotten what i've wanted before. But I am getting tired of it.
Moral of the story: fuck waiting for the right time. The right time is now. I know it's cliche but sieze the fucking day...carpe diem that shit!
As for me...I need to really man the fuck up. Can't afford to let this get me down...I got history to make!
End Chapter...
PS: I hope you're happy...I really do. You're a great person and deserve the best. I hope you get treated like the queen you are!
PSS: RIP to Lola B. I pray that you're safe in heaven with the rest of the family.
PSSS: For those of you out there that drew your conclusions, I know this post goes completely against what I wrote in my previous post. But i'm man enough to know I lost out cos I didn't stand up to be heard...I didn't sieze the day. Let this be a lesson. What you want wont always be around...so if you have it in your hands and you want it bad enough you'd die for it, grab it with both hands and never let go...NEVER!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
You...
You can't help what happens in life...but the manner in which you react to certain situations defines you as a person.
I try not to let what other people do affect me. They're are them and I am me. I like to think that if I affect anyone, it's in a positive manner...and that if it is negative, it's seldom (but justified...after all...I've always had a temper, which only recently i've been learning to control).
Sometimes, you can't help but let what someone does affect you. You don't mean it to, and you fight yourself so much to not let it happen...but it does! Wow i was so furious today!
But I trained today too...I trained hard! I trained with intencity! Most importantly...I trained with passion.
I've realised what drives me...and it's common to what drives most people. It's success! Instant gratification. The feeling of accomplishment!
Frequently, your efforts are acknowledged by your peers that you've done a great job, and it's a top feeling. But at the end of the day, all you have is you! Yourself! You go to bed with whatevers on your mind!
How many times have you gone to bed, lying to yourself? You know...when you say "i'll do this tomorrow, i'll change this, i'll action that" and it never gets done!
Why the fuck did you wait till bed time to think that? Why didn't you get it done in the first place?
Because you're afraid.
For what ever reason you may be afraid for, whether it be afraid of success, getting it wrong, being hurt...WHATEVER? The only thing that really stops you from getting what you want, is yourself.
I'm not going to be the person here saying "yeah you'll get it one day". Bullshit. You'll get it if you want it bad enough. You'll know if you want it bad enough because you will tirelessly work hard for it. You will devote effort for it. You will adapt to the environment so that your best setup to acheive it. Most importantly...you will sacrafice for it.
I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started writing...and to be honest I still don't. I'm still trying to figure out a title for it!
I did however wanted to point out that (I just figured out the title!) that the common factor in all of this...is YOU! YOU will get what you want, if YOU want it bad enough. Only YOU will know how bad YOU want it!
*insert superman joke here*
You all know what you want...you all know how to attain it. If you be real and honest with yourself, then you can figure out how to acheive what YOU want!
If you think i'm wrong...please tell me. But please...i know your rebuttles:
"I'm afraid..."
Don't be afraid...carpe diem...sieze the fucking day! I don't want to throw too many cliche lines in here but stop listening to the rest of the world...and listen to what your heart says. Fuck some of you might be wrong (and those that hear genocide...please speak to me first) but don't complain about something if you're not going to do something about it!
Meh i've had enough...I still love all of you (some more than others...some...well i'll kick your ass one day!)...and I only say what I say in the way that I say it because I hate seeing people selling themselves short. I hate seeing people being afraid of what they believe in. Stand up and be heard! Don't spend your time feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Devote your energy to remaining positive, even in the darkest of times. You will survive and conquer...but only if you want too!
Take care and love to all!
PS: Yes i've given the game away in this article. I have devoted any spare time to fitness training and i've been making some good progress! I wont post up pics cos i'm still a little self concious...but my first goal is that by summer I'll be confident to run with my shirt off! hahaha
To those few that already knew...thanks for your understanding and support. To those that didn't...my apologies for being so distant over the last few months. I've just been really doing this for me and figured those that are my true friends will be there for me regardless...
Take care guys...
-Mark
I try not to let what other people do affect me. They're are them and I am me. I like to think that if I affect anyone, it's in a positive manner...and that if it is negative, it's seldom (but justified...after all...I've always had a temper, which only recently i've been learning to control).
Sometimes, you can't help but let what someone does affect you. You don't mean it to, and you fight yourself so much to not let it happen...but it does! Wow i was so furious today!
But I trained today too...I trained hard! I trained with intencity! Most importantly...I trained with passion.
I've realised what drives me...and it's common to what drives most people. It's success! Instant gratification. The feeling of accomplishment!
Frequently, your efforts are acknowledged by your peers that you've done a great job, and it's a top feeling. But at the end of the day, all you have is you! Yourself! You go to bed with whatevers on your mind!
How many times have you gone to bed, lying to yourself? You know...when you say "i'll do this tomorrow, i'll change this, i'll action that" and it never gets done!
Why the fuck did you wait till bed time to think that? Why didn't you get it done in the first place?
Because you're afraid.
For what ever reason you may be afraid for, whether it be afraid of success, getting it wrong, being hurt...WHATEVER? The only thing that really stops you from getting what you want, is yourself.
I'm not going to be the person here saying "yeah you'll get it one day". Bullshit. You'll get it if you want it bad enough. You'll know if you want it bad enough because you will tirelessly work hard for it. You will devote effort for it. You will adapt to the environment so that your best setup to acheive it. Most importantly...you will sacrafice for it.
I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started writing...and to be honest I still don't. I'm still trying to figure out a title for it!
I did however wanted to point out that (I just figured out the title!) that the common factor in all of this...is YOU! YOU will get what you want, if YOU want it bad enough. Only YOU will know how bad YOU want it!
*insert superman joke here*
You all know what you want...you all know how to attain it. If you be real and honest with yourself, then you can figure out how to acheive what YOU want!
If you think i'm wrong...please tell me. But please...i know your rebuttles:
- "I haven't got much money..."
- "My parents..."
- "I don't have much time..."
- "My dog ate it..."
"I'm afraid..."
Don't be afraid...carpe diem...sieze the fucking day! I don't want to throw too many cliche lines in here but stop listening to the rest of the world...and listen to what your heart says. Fuck some of you might be wrong (and those that hear genocide...please speak to me first) but don't complain about something if you're not going to do something about it!
Meh i've had enough...I still love all of you (some more than others...some...well i'll kick your ass one day!)...and I only say what I say in the way that I say it because I hate seeing people selling themselves short. I hate seeing people being afraid of what they believe in. Stand up and be heard! Don't spend your time feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Devote your energy to remaining positive, even in the darkest of times. You will survive and conquer...but only if you want too!
Take care and love to all!
PS: Yes i've given the game away in this article. I have devoted any spare time to fitness training and i've been making some good progress! I wont post up pics cos i'm still a little self concious...but my first goal is that by summer I'll be confident to run with my shirt off! hahaha
To those few that already knew...thanks for your understanding and support. To those that didn't...my apologies for being so distant over the last few months. I've just been really doing this for me and figured those that are my true friends will be there for me regardless...
Take care guys...
-Mark
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
