Disclaimer: feel free to draw your own conclusions...I quite frankly don't care...
BGM: Moloko - Time is now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylvBSOS7Avs
Ok...so today I faced my fears and decided to look into something I hadn't paid attention to in a while...
and realised that I lost something. Not that this particular something was mine or anything ... but something I had fair interest (to say the least) in, was no longer available.
Now I don't know how to feel...should I feel happy that someone else is enjoying what I lost (pffft) or should I be upset that I didn't try harder to get what I wanted?
Looking back...the 'signs' were all there...many opportunities were had...but anyone that knows me knows that I'm oblivious to these things...innocent if you will. Yes I know what you're thinking...useless!
My mate (who doesn't know i've made this discovery yet) said a while ago that with anything you truly want...you gotta be prepared to lose it. I don't think I prepared myself to lose this, but I didn't think I thought i'd be as calm as this when I did!
I don't know...did I lose out cos I lost sight of what I wanted? Did the value of the object of desire change? Lessen even? Did I change? Did it change? Did someone else prove they wanted it more?
Irrelevant questions I know. You can't wish for a better yesterday. I think i'm fine...it's not like i've never gotten what i've wanted before. But I am getting tired of it.
Moral of the story: fuck waiting for the right time. The right time is now. I know it's cliche but sieze the fucking day...carpe diem that shit!
As for me...I need to really man the fuck up. Can't afford to let this get me down...I got history to make!
End Chapter...
PS: I hope you're happy...I really do. You're a great person and deserve the best. I hope you get treated like the queen you are!
PSS: RIP to Lola B. I pray that you're safe in heaven with the rest of the family.
PSSS: For those of you out there that drew your conclusions, I know this post goes completely against what I wrote in my previous post. But i'm man enough to know I lost out cos I didn't stand up to be heard...I didn't sieze the day. Let this be a lesson. What you want wont always be around...so if you have it in your hands and you want it bad enough you'd die for it, grab it with both hands and never let go...NEVER!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
You...
You can't help what happens in life...but the manner in which you react to certain situations defines you as a person.
I try not to let what other people do affect me. They're are them and I am me. I like to think that if I affect anyone, it's in a positive manner...and that if it is negative, it's seldom (but justified...after all...I've always had a temper, which only recently i've been learning to control).
Sometimes, you can't help but let what someone does affect you. You don't mean it to, and you fight yourself so much to not let it happen...but it does! Wow i was so furious today!
But I trained today too...I trained hard! I trained with intencity! Most importantly...I trained with passion.
I've realised what drives me...and it's common to what drives most people. It's success! Instant gratification. The feeling of accomplishment!
Frequently, your efforts are acknowledged by your peers that you've done a great job, and it's a top feeling. But at the end of the day, all you have is you! Yourself! You go to bed with whatevers on your mind!
How many times have you gone to bed, lying to yourself? You know...when you say "i'll do this tomorrow, i'll change this, i'll action that" and it never gets done!
Why the fuck did you wait till bed time to think that? Why didn't you get it done in the first place?
Because you're afraid.
For what ever reason you may be afraid for, whether it be afraid of success, getting it wrong, being hurt...WHATEVER? The only thing that really stops you from getting what you want, is yourself.
I'm not going to be the person here saying "yeah you'll get it one day". Bullshit. You'll get it if you want it bad enough. You'll know if you want it bad enough because you will tirelessly work hard for it. You will devote effort for it. You will adapt to the environment so that your best setup to acheive it. Most importantly...you will sacrafice for it.
I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started writing...and to be honest I still don't. I'm still trying to figure out a title for it!
I did however wanted to point out that (I just figured out the title!) that the common factor in all of this...is YOU! YOU will get what you want, if YOU want it bad enough. Only YOU will know how bad YOU want it!
*insert superman joke here*
You all know what you want...you all know how to attain it. If you be real and honest with yourself, then you can figure out how to acheive what YOU want!
If you think i'm wrong...please tell me. But please...i know your rebuttles:
"I'm afraid..."
Don't be afraid...carpe diem...sieze the fucking day! I don't want to throw too many cliche lines in here but stop listening to the rest of the world...and listen to what your heart says. Fuck some of you might be wrong (and those that hear genocide...please speak to me first) but don't complain about something if you're not going to do something about it!
Meh i've had enough...I still love all of you (some more than others...some...well i'll kick your ass one day!)...and I only say what I say in the way that I say it because I hate seeing people selling themselves short. I hate seeing people being afraid of what they believe in. Stand up and be heard! Don't spend your time feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Devote your energy to remaining positive, even in the darkest of times. You will survive and conquer...but only if you want too!
Take care and love to all!
PS: Yes i've given the game away in this article. I have devoted any spare time to fitness training and i've been making some good progress! I wont post up pics cos i'm still a little self concious...but my first goal is that by summer I'll be confident to run with my shirt off! hahaha
To those few that already knew...thanks for your understanding and support. To those that didn't...my apologies for being so distant over the last few months. I've just been really doing this for me and figured those that are my true friends will be there for me regardless...
Take care guys...
-Mark
I try not to let what other people do affect me. They're are them and I am me. I like to think that if I affect anyone, it's in a positive manner...and that if it is negative, it's seldom (but justified...after all...I've always had a temper, which only recently i've been learning to control).
Sometimes, you can't help but let what someone does affect you. You don't mean it to, and you fight yourself so much to not let it happen...but it does! Wow i was so furious today!
But I trained today too...I trained hard! I trained with intencity! Most importantly...I trained with passion.
I've realised what drives me...and it's common to what drives most people. It's success! Instant gratification. The feeling of accomplishment!
Frequently, your efforts are acknowledged by your peers that you've done a great job, and it's a top feeling. But at the end of the day, all you have is you! Yourself! You go to bed with whatevers on your mind!
How many times have you gone to bed, lying to yourself? You know...when you say "i'll do this tomorrow, i'll change this, i'll action that" and it never gets done!
Why the fuck did you wait till bed time to think that? Why didn't you get it done in the first place?
Because you're afraid.
For what ever reason you may be afraid for, whether it be afraid of success, getting it wrong, being hurt...WHATEVER? The only thing that really stops you from getting what you want, is yourself.
I'm not going to be the person here saying "yeah you'll get it one day". Bullshit. You'll get it if you want it bad enough. You'll know if you want it bad enough because you will tirelessly work hard for it. You will devote effort for it. You will adapt to the environment so that your best setup to acheive it. Most importantly...you will sacrafice for it.
I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started writing...and to be honest I still don't. I'm still trying to figure out a title for it!
I did however wanted to point out that (I just figured out the title!) that the common factor in all of this...is YOU! YOU will get what you want, if YOU want it bad enough. Only YOU will know how bad YOU want it!
*insert superman joke here*
You all know what you want...you all know how to attain it. If you be real and honest with yourself, then you can figure out how to acheive what YOU want!
If you think i'm wrong...please tell me. But please...i know your rebuttles:
- "I haven't got much money..."
- "My parents..."
- "I don't have much time..."
- "My dog ate it..."
"I'm afraid..."
Don't be afraid...carpe diem...sieze the fucking day! I don't want to throw too many cliche lines in here but stop listening to the rest of the world...and listen to what your heart says. Fuck some of you might be wrong (and those that hear genocide...please speak to me first) but don't complain about something if you're not going to do something about it!
Meh i've had enough...I still love all of you (some more than others...some...well i'll kick your ass one day!)...and I only say what I say in the way that I say it because I hate seeing people selling themselves short. I hate seeing people being afraid of what they believe in. Stand up and be heard! Don't spend your time feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Devote your energy to remaining positive, even in the darkest of times. You will survive and conquer...but only if you want too!
Take care and love to all!
PS: Yes i've given the game away in this article. I have devoted any spare time to fitness training and i've been making some good progress! I wont post up pics cos i'm still a little self concious...but my first goal is that by summer I'll be confident to run with my shirt off! hahaha
To those few that already knew...thanks for your understanding and support. To those that didn't...my apologies for being so distant over the last few months. I've just been really doing this for me and figured those that are my true friends will be there for me regardless...
Take care guys...
-Mark
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Found my limit today... =D
and i'm still standing hehehe
Just wanted to say i'm going well and going hard. Had a bit of an iffy week just trying to get through all the crap going on (it just doesn't change and it just doesn't get any easier) but I feel like i'm able to deal with it a little better than I was say 3 months ago.
I'm making some positive progress too...without giving the game away too much (but pretty much giving it away hehehe) ... actually no hehehe :P
I'll be taking pictures soon to show some of my progress...guaranteed to have them up before the end of the month!
In the mean time ... may I wish everyone good times and strength in adversity. Stay strong and endure!
Just wanted to say i'm going well and going hard. Had a bit of an iffy week just trying to get through all the crap going on (it just doesn't change and it just doesn't get any easier) but I feel like i'm able to deal with it a little better than I was say 3 months ago.
I'm making some positive progress too...without giving the game away too much (but pretty much giving it away hehehe) ... actually no hehehe :P
I'll be taking pictures soon to show some of my progress...guaranteed to have them up before the end of the month!
In the mean time ... may I wish everyone good times and strength in adversity. Stay strong and endure!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Lemonade...that cool refreshing drink...
bgm
Passion: Lemonade - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HW1WUcFR0
(has nothing to do with my post...but its a nice song!)
They say when the world gives you lemons...make lemonade. To make good out of anything bad sent your way. This is all about training your perspective to adapt to any situation and learn how you can benefit from it.
I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I wasn't good at this. Hell that's the whole reason I started this blog. However, I didn't know what direction I wanted to go in and change...to be honest I didn't even know how to start!
Well I finally got that start...unfortunately it came about through the suffering of another mate, but with his help and the encouragement of others, I've made firm decisions about myself and where I'm heading and I truly feel I'm heading in the right direction.
I don't want to share what I'm doing just yet...some of you know, some of you don't realise what I'm doing...but you will be surprised. As with all things, this will take time, dedication and lots of hard work from me.
For this, I apologise to everyone for the ambiguity of my actions and for seeming so distant from all of you for the time being, but this is the move I've been needing to make!
I guess as this is a blog and you're probably looking for a bit of insight (least I'd like to think you were...that's if anyone actually reads this hehehe) so I wont disappoint.
First of all...understand your values and beliefs...and never live up to anyone else's. This way you cannot be let down by others...stay true to your values and really believe in them...don't let anyone waiver you from the path!
Secondly, give yourself something to get you out of bed every morning. To excite you. I know everyone says to write goals...but I'm telling you to write something above and beyond what you think your limits are. Imagine your a kid sitting on Santa's lap (no not like that you dirty b@stards) and imagine that no wish is to big! Write it on a piece of paper write it in big writing! Put it in a place where you will look at it everyday and read it to yourself at least twice a day...really feel it and really believe that you will achieve it. Soon you will have it in your mind and you will not be able to stop thinking about it. You will find your mind subconsciously controlling your body to do things in order to achieve this goal!
I have done these two things, amongst other things, but I refuse to bore you any longer hehehe.
I will also add a little comment on my perspective from the end of each post. I feel that things are taking a good turn, but am I working ever hard for it. I can feel the changes coming and I really hope I can stick to it!
Oh...and for anyone that cares...I haven't been suspended from uni this semester and am now back! hahaha I guarantee I wont fail this class a third time LOL!
Alright i'm out ... take care guys!
-muffinman
Passion: Lemonade - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7HW1WUcFR0
(has nothing to do with my post...but its a nice song!)
They say when the world gives you lemons...make lemonade. To make good out of anything bad sent your way. This is all about training your perspective to adapt to any situation and learn how you can benefit from it.
I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I wasn't good at this. Hell that's the whole reason I started this blog. However, I didn't know what direction I wanted to go in and change...to be honest I didn't even know how to start!
Well I finally got that start...unfortunately it came about through the suffering of another mate, but with his help and the encouragement of others, I've made firm decisions about myself and where I'm heading and I truly feel I'm heading in the right direction.
I don't want to share what I'm doing just yet...some of you know, some of you don't realise what I'm doing...but you will be surprised. As with all things, this will take time, dedication and lots of hard work from me.
For this, I apologise to everyone for the ambiguity of my actions and for seeming so distant from all of you for the time being, but this is the move I've been needing to make!
I guess as this is a blog and you're probably looking for a bit of insight (least I'd like to think you were...that's if anyone actually reads this hehehe) so I wont disappoint.
First of all...understand your values and beliefs...and never live up to anyone else's. This way you cannot be let down by others...stay true to your values and really believe in them...don't let anyone waiver you from the path!
Secondly, give yourself something to get you out of bed every morning. To excite you. I know everyone says to write goals...but I'm telling you to write something above and beyond what you think your limits are. Imagine your a kid sitting on Santa's lap (no not like that you dirty b@stards) and imagine that no wish is to big! Write it on a piece of paper write it in big writing! Put it in a place where you will look at it everyday and read it to yourself at least twice a day...really feel it and really believe that you will achieve it. Soon you will have it in your mind and you will not be able to stop thinking about it. You will find your mind subconsciously controlling your body to do things in order to achieve this goal!
I have done these two things, amongst other things, but I refuse to bore you any longer hehehe.
I will also add a little comment on my perspective from the end of each post. I feel that things are taking a good turn, but am I working ever hard for it. I can feel the changes coming and I really hope I can stick to it!
Oh...and for anyone that cares...I haven't been suspended from uni this semester and am now back! hahaha
Alright i'm out ... take care guys!
-muffinman
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Fight or Flight...
Butterflies in your stomach, giddyness, it's all the same...it's that feeling you get when you know somethings on the line.
I don't get to experience this feeling too much, due to the mundane job I usually carry out on a daily basis, however on the off occasion I do manage to get myself into these situations.
Funnily enough I just did...right then...like seriously 30 minutes ago!
It was one of those...sounded like a good idea at the time.
I wonder how i'm going to go with this...been a while since I been down this road...
Will let you know...wish me luck!
I don't get to experience this feeling too much, due to the mundane job I usually carry out on a daily basis, however on the off occasion I do manage to get myself into these situations.
Funnily enough I just did...right then...like seriously 30 minutes ago!
It was one of those...sounded like a good idea at the time.
I wonder how i'm going to go with this...been a while since I been down this road...
Will let you know...wish me luck!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
RIP Lola A...God said well done...
bgm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eczNekGhDxM
24th June 2008
As I remember her...
My earliest memories of Lola as a kid was being dropped off with the other cousins to be baby sat during the holidays. Lola A and Tita Katu would cook breakfast for us and we would watch TV in their tiny little room...looking back we wonder how it used to house all of us so comfortably...
I remember Lola always giving us lollies and maccas burgers back when they used to be served in styrofoam packaging and for some reason carnation milk would always be served to us with Milo...
I remember Lola always smiling...from back then till now, even when she didn't recognise us. She was always happy to see us, to be around us, to take care of us. A lady whos faith for God and love for her family never waivered and was so contagious.
She survived almost all of her kids, two world wars and countless other riff raffs.
I hope those that knew her don't mourn in pain...if anything, we should learn from her that we should just smile, be happy that God blessed us with her presence and that she was able to be with us for 105 years! Smiling is the key to a long and happy life and I believe she was a great advocate of that.
Rest In Peace Lola...we will love and remember you always!
24th June 2008
As I remember her...
My earliest memories of Lola as a kid was being dropped off with the other cousins to be baby sat during the holidays. Lola A and Tita Katu would cook breakfast for us and we would watch TV in their tiny little room...looking back we wonder how it used to house all of us so comfortably...
I remember Lola always giving us lollies and maccas burgers back when they used to be served in styrofoam packaging and for some reason carnation milk would always be served to us with Milo...
I remember Lola always smiling...from back then till now, even when she didn't recognise us. She was always happy to see us, to be around us, to take care of us. A lady whos faith for God and love for her family never waivered and was so contagious.
She survived almost all of her kids, two world wars and countless other riff raffs.
I hope those that knew her don't mourn in pain...if anything, we should learn from her that we should just smile, be happy that God blessed us with her presence and that she was able to be with us for 105 years! Smiling is the key to a long and happy life and I believe she was a great advocate of that.
Rest In Peace Lola...we will love and remember you always!
Friday, June 20, 2008
stop the angry juice...
yeah i thought i was fine...
yeah i thought I was in control of myself...
but the more in control i thought i was, the more I wasn't...
how stupid for me to end up in this situation...
ahh my body can't handle this abuse anymore...
saw some cool things today though...
and learnt some neato stuff...
but i through it all away...
damn i hate being drunk...
yeah i thought I was in control of myself...
but the more in control i thought i was, the more I wasn't...
how stupid for me to end up in this situation...
ahh my body can't handle this abuse anymore...
saw some cool things today though...
and learnt some neato stuff...
but i through it all away...
damn i hate being drunk...
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