EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

YEAH SUCK ON THAT ONE BITCHES!!! hahahaha

sorry I haven't updated much lately...i've just been goin crazy with this shit and other things.

In other news, I have been jamming a whole lot lately and got some really cool jams down...here is something I prepared earlier (and by I, I mean Dee and C!)



click on it and comment, subscribe as my boy chris will continue putting up our jam videos! (you can also catch his blog in the sidebar!)

aight...thats it for now...gonna get back into my training again tomorrow, and gotta work on my otherside project: nuthour! will update you guys on that soon! :D

take care now, bye bye then! :D

-muffinman














ps: sunset...

Into the double figures....YEAH BITCHES!!!

Under 100kg!!! For the first time in over 5 years!!!

HA HA!!!

Seriously...it's been a hard slog, and contrary to popular belief, I hate training and dieting, but the changes are great, I feel better and I can deal with the shit times better. To overuse an old cliche, i've never felt better!

This is a stand...I can never go back to the way I used to be! Thanks to everyone whos encouraged me and stuck by me through these hard times. As of late, the hard times have been more frequent, and I haven't been able to come through for so many people and I'm sorry, but I appreciate everyone's patience with me.

In regards to the shitfight i've been having, I'm coming around to figuring out where i'm going with it. I've got a solution at least and will hopefully be making a move on it. I'm sorry to everyone who this affected (unintentionally) and will hopefully make it up to everyone!

It feels SO good to type something positive after so much negative.

Also just posting out a shoutout to Dee ... congrats girl on your new gig! If you wanna catch this girl she'll be burnin up the floor for lollipop every second Saturday!

Thats about it for now...just thought i'd better post something up while I had it in my head at work. Take care everyone and god bless!

Much love!

-muffinman

seriously...

fuck this shit...unbelievable...how many times do i have to be tested? what did i do wrong?













fuck i really wish i knew what to do next...i really wish i had someone to be there for me...













:(

Being continually tested and true friends...

What a last couple of days...













I wont bore you...but you guys should know that shit went down in the last few days. Chicks, money, work, cars...it all happened! I honestly couldnt believe it, it was just one shit thing after another...

However something was different this time ... Normally if anything didn't go my way, i'd behave like a little bitch (in that it would be obvious that I'd be pissed off), but I didn't ... not when I made the discovery about the girl, not when work pushed me into a corner, not when my car decided to break down in the middle of traffic ...

I am changing ... I am learning to just deal with whatever is thrown my way. I understand my msn name (my old one anyway about how the difference between normal and great people is that great people know how to build a good structure from the bricks others throw at them).

I was able to think calm, act clearly, and shit even share a laugh with some good friends (there's nothing funnier than walking home with friends after your car has broken down hahaha).

I wanna thank my boys that helped me out last night...it was a pretty tough night for me, but I couldn't imagine anyone else i'd rather have by my side...my soldiers! hahaha

Thanks go out to (in no particular order), Sherwin, Chris, Ralph, Tim and Louis! I will never be able to repay you for what you guys did for me...I can only hope I offer as much back to you in my life!

PS: Movember is coming up and I will be participating this year (yes I know i'm asian and I don't have much facial hair lol)...its for a good cause, so stay tuned to this space for updates!

PSS: I've started a video blog. I will post this up soon, it's called the nutHour...stay tuned to this space!

Love ya'll...peace out!

My fight with spite... SELF CENSORED...

I wrote something here ... and i've decided to take it down ...

Why? It just felt like quite a leap into my deep personal fight with myself...my struggle...basically if i was my own enemy, I outlined ways you could push my buttons.

I have saved the draft and I'll prob post it up later...but I really want to read it and re-word it...I say something about there being no filter between my brain and my brain...this also exist (or doesn't exist) between my brain and my fingers.

I just dont feel ready to share that side of me...not just yet...it's scary and I hate dealing with it on a daily basis, but I do...and i'm not prepared just yet to describe my motivation.

I hope you understand and I hope you don't get discouraged from reading my blog. I believe I have always been honest with you guys ... and tonight I feel I was at my most honest.

Stay tuned guys...I will repost...

Thanks for understanding.

You win some...you lose some...

Disclaimer: feel free to draw your own conclusions...I quite frankly don't care...

BGM: Moloko - Time is now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylvBSOS7Avs

Ok...so today I faced my fears and decided to look into something I hadn't paid attention to in a while...

and realised that I lost something. Not that this particular something was mine or anything ... but something I had fair interest (to say the least) in, was no longer available.

Now I don't know how to feel...should I feel happy that someone else is enjoying what I lost (pffft) or should I be upset that I didn't try harder to get what I wanted?

Looking back...the 'signs' were all there...many opportunities were had...but anyone that knows me knows that I'm oblivious to these things...innocent if you will. Yes I know what you're thinking...useless!

My mate (who doesn't know i've made this discovery yet) said a while ago that with anything you truly want...you gotta be prepared to lose it. I don't think I prepared myself to lose this, but I didn't think I thought i'd be as calm as this when I did!

I don't know...did I lose out cos I lost sight of what I wanted? Did the value of the object of desire change? Lessen even? Did I change? Did it change? Did someone else prove they wanted it more?

Irrelevant questions I know. You can't wish for a better yesterday. I think i'm fine...it's not like i've never gotten what i've wanted before. But I am getting tired of it.

Moral of the story: fuck waiting for the right time. The right time is now. I know it's cliche but sieze the fucking day...carpe diem that shit!

As for me...I need to really man the fuck up. Can't afford to let this get me down...I got history to make!

End Chapter...

PS: I hope you're happy...I really do. You're a great person and deserve the best. I hope you get treated like the queen you are!

PSS: RIP to Lola B. I pray that you're safe in heaven with the rest of the family.

PSSS: For those of you out there that drew your conclusions, I know this post goes completely against what I wrote in my previous post. But i'm man enough to know I lost out cos I didn't stand up to be heard...I didn't sieze the day. Let this be a lesson. What you want wont always be around...so if you have it in your hands and you want it bad enough you'd die for it, grab it with both hands and never let go...NEVER!!!

You...

You can't help what happens in life...but the manner in which you react to certain situations defines you as a person.

I try not to let what other people do affect me. They're are them and I am me. I like to think that if I affect anyone, it's in a positive manner...and that if it is negative, it's seldom (but justified...after all...I've always had a temper, which only recently i've been learning to control).

Sometimes, you can't help but let what someone does affect you. You don't mean it to, and you fight yourself so much to not let it happen...but it does! Wow i was so furious today!

But I trained today too...I trained hard! I trained with intencity! Most importantly...I trained with passion.

I've realised what drives me...and it's common to what drives most people. It's success! Instant gratification. The feeling of accomplishment!

Frequently, your efforts are acknowledged by your peers that you've done a great job, and it's a top feeling. But at the end of the day, all you have is you! Yourself! You go to bed with whatevers on your mind!

How many times have you gone to bed, lying to yourself? You know...when you say "i'll do this tomorrow, i'll change this, i'll action that" and it never gets done!

Why the fuck did you wait till bed time to think that? Why didn't you get it done in the first place?

Because you're afraid.

For what ever reason you may be afraid for, whether it be afraid of success, getting it wrong, being hurt...WHATEVER? The only thing that really stops you from getting what you want, is yourself.

I'm not going to be the person here saying "yeah you'll get it one day". Bullshit. You'll get it if you want it bad enough. You'll know if you want it bad enough because you will tirelessly work hard for it. You will devote effort for it. You will adapt to the environment so that your best setup to acheive it. Most importantly...you will sacrafice for it.

I wasn't sure where I was going with this when I started writing...and to be honest I still don't. I'm still trying to figure out a title for it!

I did however wanted to point out that (I just figured out the title!) that the common factor in all of this...is YOU! YOU will get what you want, if YOU want it bad enough. Only YOU will know how bad YOU want it!

*insert superman joke here*

You all know what you want...you all know how to attain it. If you be real and honest with yourself, then you can figure out how to acheive what YOU want!

If you think i'm wrong...please tell me. But please...i know your rebuttles:

• "I haven't got much money..."
• "My parents..."
• "I don't have much time..."
• "My dog ate it..."

You wanna know what I hear when you say this?

"I'm afraid..."

Don't be afraid...carpe diem...sieze the fucking day! I don't want to throw too many cliche lines in here but stop listening to the rest of the world...and listen to what your heart says. Fuck some of you might be wrong (and those that hear genocide...please speak to me first) but don't complain about something if you're not going to do something about it!

Meh i've had enough...I still love all of you (some more than others...some...well i'll kick your ass one day!)...and I only say what I say in the way that I say it because I hate seeing people selling themselves short. I hate seeing people being afraid of what they believe in. Stand up and be heard! Don't spend your time feeling bad and sorry for yourself. Devote your energy to remaining positive, even in the darkest of times. You will survive and conquer...but only if you want too!

Take care and love to all!

PS: Yes i've given the game away in this article. I have devoted any spare time to fitness training and i've been making some good progress! I wont post up pics cos i'm still a little self concious...but my first goal is that by summer I'll be confident to run with my shirt off! hahaha

To those few that already knew...thanks for your understanding and support. To those that didn't...my apologies for being so distant over the last few months. I've just been really doing this for me and figured those that are my true friends will be there for me regardless...

Take care guys...

-Mark